I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
