Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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