just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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