Umm I'm too high to move.
I looked at my own cervix.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
