Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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