made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
