If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Randomize
