does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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