Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
