i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
