Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
