I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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