Non-Jews are for practice
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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