i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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