I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
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