If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Ladies don't puke and tell
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
