Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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