no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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