first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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