that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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