"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
