We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
