I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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