I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
