I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
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You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
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I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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