I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
You ate ashes out of my bong
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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