On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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