Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
This is my gift to your gina
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Randomize