i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
