Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
