Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
