I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
