can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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