Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
