i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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