you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
