So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
