ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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