I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
