i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Come see our sink grown plant.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
