you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
