But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
