Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
