He had one of those small greek statue penises
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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