He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
