it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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