I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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