The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
i believe in u and ur pee
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
