watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
