We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Randomize
