Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
