i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
