I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
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it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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