If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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