your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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