She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I want a musical about memes.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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