My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Randomize