her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Randomize
