would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
